At the dinner table. A mosquito has landed in Dad’s water.
B — Eew! A bug in your drink!
Dad — No big deal.
B — You’re gonna drink it anyway?!
R — It’s a horror show! A nightmare!
Category Archives: Dad
The end is near
B — Dad, why do you have wrinkles on your face?
Dad — Because as my body gets older, my face becomes less smooth and shows lines.
B — Oh… you mean because you’re decaying?
Weight control
B — Dad, how much do you weigh?
Dad — About 170 lbs.
B — Is that about the same as what a car weighs?
Look before you leap
R, talking to B at the table — …first you date them to find out if you like them, and then you get married. That’s why Dad and Mom were dating before they got married.
B –Yeah. They dated when they met.
R — Dad, why did you date Mom? Did you think she was pretty?
Dad — I liked her.
R — So you wanted to date her for a few weeks before you got married?
Mom — We dated for five years.
R — Five years?! You wanted to be sure?
Spice up your conversation
At the table.
Dad — B, you’re eating like a chicken. Stop.
R — Yeah! You always eat like a chicken.
Dad — R, quiet.
B — Yeah, R. I don’t want to hear your comments.
R — I wasn’t giving you condiments!
Real estate hors d’oeuvre
We are visiting real estate open houses, just because. At one house, I get out of the car for a flyer.
R — What’s that?
Mom — It’s a paper that tells you all about the house.
Dad — It’s like an ad.
R — What?
Dad — An advertisement.
Then, at another house.
R — How come we’re not going inside? You just wanted to look at the appetizer?
Land of the giants
The boys are putting away clean underwear in their dresser. B spots one of Dad’s underwear in the basket.
B — What?! This underwear is huge! Whose giant bottom fits in these??!!
Easter sleuth
The boys wake up to find Easter baskets next to their beds.
R, whispering — {Gasp} B! Wake up! Look! The Easter Bunny came!
B — Are you sure?
R — Look! It’s candy!
B — Well, I still don’t trust that it was the Easter Bunny.
R — It was the Easter Bunny! I’ll tell you why. Our Dad is way too heavy to climb up to our loft and sneak around our beds quietly. And Mom doesn’t like to climb up here. It had to be the Easter Bunny!
the kitchen notebook 