Double, double, toil and trouble

Dad is playing Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” in the car.

R — This song is about how she lost her phone and her keys.

Mom — The whole song?

R — Well, she’s talking about how she lost those things.  If you lose your phone, you lose everything!

Mom — I would be in trouble if I lost my purse.

R — Why?

Mom — Because it’s where I keep all of my things.  My money, my phone, and my keys.  I’d be in trouble if I lost it!

R — You mean it’s the law?

Mom — What?  No.  I mean I would have a hard time without it and all my stuff in it.

R — Oh.  You mean another kind of trouble, not the kind you get punished for.

 

Non sequitur

In the car.  The boys are eating ice cream cones from McDonald’s.

B — I almost ate the paper on the bottom of the cone!

R — Me, too!

B — I ate it one time, remember?

R — You did?

B — Yes.  But I spit most of it out.  I swallowed some of it, though.

Mom — Gross.  Like a goat!  Goats eat all kinds of garbage.

B — I know.

R — A goat would probably eat all the paper on the cone.

B — Yeah.  Mom, if I were a goat, I would eat Santa for dinner.

God bless America

Mom — What do you want to be when you grow up, R?

R — I’m not sure yet.

Mom — Well, what kinds of jobs do you like?

R — I don’t really know yet.  Maybe a P.E. teacher.

Mom — Really?  Why?

R — Because I have lots of skills.

Mom — Wow.  Is there something you know for sure you don’t want to be?

R — I definitely know I don’t want to be next year’s president!

Spice up your conversation

At the table.

Dad — B, you’re eating like a chicken.  Stop.

R — Yeah!  You always eat like a chicken.

Dad — R, quiet.

B — Yeah, R.  I don’t want to hear your comments.

R — I wasn’t giving you condiments!

Real estate hors d’oeuvre

We are visiting real estate open houses, just because.  At one house, I get out of the car for a flyer.

R — What’s that?

Mom — It’s a paper that tells you all about the house.

Dad — It’s like an ad.

R — What?

Dad — An advertisement.

 

Then, at another house.

R — How come we’re not going inside?  You just wanted to look at the appetizer?

Submarine fun

The boys are taking a bath.

R — B, wait, I’m going to fart.  Here come the bubbles!  Ready?

Virtual reality

The boys are a playing video game.  They are racing against each other and  several computer-generated racers.

R — What?!  We’ll never beat this guy!

B — He’s too good.

Then, after a few minutes of racing…

B — Wow… he’s really good.

R — Or maybe he’s computerized?

Land of the giants

The boys are putting away clean underwear in their dresser.  B spots one of Dad’s underwear in the basket.

B — What?!  This underwear is huge!  Whose giant bottom fits in these??!!

Easter sleuth

The boys wake up to find Easter baskets next to their beds.

R, whispering — {Gasp} B!  Wake up!  Look!  The Easter Bunny came!

B — Are you sure?

R — Look!  It’s candy!

B — Well, I still don’t trust that it was the Easter Bunny.

R — It was the Easter Bunny!  I’ll tell you why.  Our Dad is way too heavy to climb up to our loft and sneak around our beds quietly.  And Mom doesn’t like to climb up here.  It had to be the Easter Bunny!

Q & A

In the car.

R — … well, it’s because I like to talk so much.

Mom — Yes, you are a talkative kid!

R — Yes!

Mom — Would you say that B is a talkative kid?

R — Not so much.

Mom — How about Dad?

R — Well, Dad is more of an answerative Dad because I ask him so many questions.