The boys are playing in the hall outside Mom & Dad’s room, obviously looking at the baby pictures on the walls.
R, to B — What were you doing in this picture?
B — I don’t remember.
R — How can you not “reNember”? It’s your life!
Monthly Archives: February 2011
On death and dying
At the dinner table, praying.
R- Dear Jesus, thank you for our food and the bee-YOU-tee-ful things and help us so we don’ t die because that makes me sad. In Jesus’ name, amen.
B- Dear Jesus, thank you that we don’t die because if we die it’s forever, like four days or something. In Jesus’ name, amen.
The Tooth Fairy needs a calling card
At bedtime, after B had lost a tooth.
Dad- Let’s see what the Tooth Fairy leaves you.
B — What is the Tooth Fairy?
R, now wiser after his own experience with the Tooth Fairy — She leaves you money.
B, worriedly — What?!
R — She takes your tooth and leaves you money instead.
B — Why does she take my tooth?!
R — So you can get money.
Mom — Don’t be scared, B.
R, who is obviously wise to the fact that “the Tooth Fairy” is really Dad — Yeah, don’t be scared, B.
Mom — Do you know who the Tooth Fairy is, B?
B, upset — No! I’ve never met her!
The Tooth Fairy is a spook
At bedtime, after R had lost a tooth.
Dad- Don’t forget to put your tooth under your pillow so the Tooth Fairy can leave some money for you.
R- The Tooth Fairy?!
Dad- Yes. She comes during the night and takes your tooth, and she leaves you money instead.
R- She comes at night?!
Dad- Yes.
R- In my room?
Dad- Yes.
R, horrified- While I’m sleeping??!
Dad- Of course.
R, almost in tears now- IN THE DARK?!
How do I love thee?
At the dollar store, shopping for the required Valentines for the boys to distribute to their classmates at school.
R- Mom, we should get something for your birthday, too.
Mom – Like what?
R- I think I saw some cookies or something around here.
“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
At the dinner table. Of course.
R- Everybody poops.
B- Even animals.
Dad- Anything that eats, poops.
R- Cows?
Dad- Yes.
B- Elephants?
Dad- Yes.
B- The world?
Dad- Well, no. The world doesn’t eat, so it doesn’t poop.
B- Worms?
Dad- Yes.
As if on cue, R gets up from the table and announces, “I have to go poop.”
Dad, to B, who is still at the table- There goes R, off to make a poop! See? Everybody poops.
B- R poops.
Dad- Yes.
B- B poops.
Dad- Yes.
B- Daddy poops.
Dad- Yes.
B- But not Mommy.
Dad- Of course Mommy poops.
B- No, she doesn’t!
Dad- Mommy eats, so she poops.
B, somewhat irritated now- No, she doesn’t!
Dad, getting irritated himself- Yes, she does!
B, stubbornly- Well, I’ve never seen her poop!
Dad, alarmed- It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to see her!
B, indignant- I’M NOT GOING TO TOUCH IT!
Next will come earrings
R, to B, in the car on the way to school: “B, as soon as I lose this tooth, I’m getting bracelets!”
Thou shalt not…
The principal at school called me to her office to tell me that she had had “a talk” with B. It turns out he punched R in the lunch room. He apparently also punched a girl at the water fountain. Dad talked to B about the incidents on the way home.
B readily admitted to having punched the girl. He said it was because she used his name in vain.
the kitchen notebook 