Monthly Archives: February 2011

It’s fuzzy

The boys are playing in the hall outside Mom & Dad’s room, obviously looking at the baby pictures on the walls.

R, to B —  What were you doing in this picture?

B —  I don’t remember.

R —  How can you not “reNember”?  It’s your life!

On death and dying

At the dinner table, praying.

R- Dear Jesus, thank you for our food and the bee-YOU-tee-ful things and help us so we don’ t die because that makes me sad.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

B- Dear Jesus, thank you that we don’t die because if we die it’s forever, like four days or something.  In Jesus’ name,  amen.

The Tooth Fairy needs a calling card

At bedtime, after B had lost a tooth.

Dad- Let’s see what the Tooth Fairy leaves you.

B — What is the Tooth Fairy?

R, now wiser after his own experience with the Tooth Fairy — She leaves you money.

B, worriedly — What?!

R — She takes your tooth and leaves you money instead.

B — Why does she take my tooth?!

R — So you can get money.

Mom — Don’t be scared, B.

R, who is obviously wise to the fact that “the Tooth Fairy” is really Dad — Yeah, don’t be scared, B.

Mom — Do you know who the Tooth Fairy is, B?

B, upset — No!  I’ve never met her!

The Tooth Fairy is a spook

At bedtime, after R had lost a tooth.

Dad- Don’t forget to put your tooth under your pillow so the Tooth Fairy can leave some money for you.

R- The Tooth Fairy?!

Dad- Yes.  She comes during the night and takes your tooth, and she leaves you money instead.

R- She comes at night?!

Dad- Yes.

R- In my room?

Dad- Yes.

R, horrified- While I’m sleeping??!

Dad- Of course.

R, almost in tears now- IN THE DARK?!

How do I love thee?

At the dollar store, shopping for the required Valentines for the boys to distribute to their classmates at school.

R- Mom, we should get something for your birthday, too.

Mom – Like what?

R- I think I saw some cookies or something around here.

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

At the dinner table.  Of course.

R- Everybody poops.

B-  Even animals.

Dad-  Anything that eats, poops.

R-  Cows?

Dad-   Yes.

B-   Elephants?

Dad-   Yes.

B-   The world?

Dad-   Well, no.  The world doesn’t eat, so it doesn’t poop.

B-   Worms?

Dad-   Yes.

As if on cue, R gets up from the table and announces, “I have to go poop.”

Dad, to B, who is still at the table-   There goes R, off to make a poop!  See?  Everybody poops.

B-   R poops.

Dad-   Yes.

B-   B poops.

Dad-   Yes.

B-  Daddy poops.

Dad- Yes.

B-    But not Mommy.

Dad-   Of course Mommy poops.

B-   No, she doesn’t!

Dad-   Mommy eats, so she poops.

B, somewhat irritated now-   No, she doesn’t!

Dad, getting irritated himself-   Yes, she does!

B, stubbornly-   Well, I’ve never seen her poop!

Dad, alarmed-  It doesn’t matter.  You don’t need to see her!

B, indignant-   I’M NOT GOING TO TOUCH IT!

Next will come earrings

R, to B, in the car on the way to school: “B, as soon as I lose this tooth, I’m getting bracelets!”