Ask Jeeves

At dinner:

B – I don’t want to get married.

R – I think I’d like to get married.

B – If you get married, R, we can still live together.  You and me and your wife.

R – Okay, but she would be just my wife, right?

Mom – How do you know R’s wife wouldn’t mind living with you, B?

B – I can live with R and help him around the house.  I can be your butler, R!

 

 

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License to Drive

R shows up in our bedroom in the morning.

R – Mom, I don’t have any clean underwear.

Mom – We need to buy you some more.  Can you get in the car and go to Walmart for some underwear?

R – Umm… I think I’m not old enough to drive a car.  I think you need to be like 15 or 16.  I don’t even know if I could get a license.

Dad – Well, can you ride your bike to Walmart, then?

R – Not without underwear!

 


Creep show

At the dinner table.  A mosquito has landed in Dad’s water.

B — Eew!  A bug in your drink!

Dad — No big deal.

B — You’re gonna drink it anyway?!

R — It’s a horror show!  A nightmare!


Honest Abe

 

 

 

R calls it the way he sees it.

Pretty much

 

 


Sweet talker

The boys are coming home from school with a neighbor who graciously picks them up on Mondays, when it’s all I can do to leave work just in time to get home to meet them.

B — Look at my mom’s clothes!  Do you like them?  She has to look beautiful because she is a teacher.

R — You do look beautiful, Mom.

B — You look really beautiful!  You look like a dream girl!


The end is near

B — Dad, why do you have wrinkles on your face?

Dad — Because as my body gets older, my face becomes less smooth and shows lines.

B — Oh…  you mean because you’re decaying?

 


Groooovy, baby!

B brought this one home from school.