In the powder room downstairs. The hand towel is missing, so I encourage R to use one of the decorative monogrammed fingertip towels that somebody gifted us at Christmas.
R — Why is there a “P” on them?
Mom — What do you think?
R — For “pee” and “poop”?
R comes running into Mom & Dad’s bedroom.
R — Dad, B blew a bubble with his nose! It was made of snot! And then he popped it! But not with his finger. He just kept blowing it bigger and bigger until it popped!
As he leaves the room, we hear
B — R, wasn’t that awesome with my snot?!
Mom — I talked to Mrs. Principal and Mrs. Teacher yesterday, and they said you’ve been using that squeaky voice you use at home sometimes at school, too.
B — Yes, but mostly it has been R.
Mom — Really? They said it was mostly you.
B — That’s interesting…
A spider is crawling along the floor, so Mom calls R to come kill it. R takes the paper napkin he is being handed, and promptly squishes the bug.
R — I squished it to death like a cobra!
After checking, for the second night in a row, to see if the Tooth Fairy had visited him.
R , looking over the dollar bill he has found under his pillow — I don’t know about her…
Dad — What do you mean?
R — I’m not sure she’s a fairy.
R and B were sick last week. Really sick. Really, really sick. Neither one of them had ever thrown up before, ever.
R was shocked the first time he threw up. He was horrified and crying.
R — I wish everyone who loves me was here with me!
After R’s latest tooth loss, Dad forgot to do his “Tooth Fairy duty”. R woke up to discover his tooth was still under his pillow.
R — What?! The Tooth Fairy didn’t come! (Then, after some thought) “Maybe she didn’t like the way it looked.”
R — Why do you always wear those two rings together? Dad gave them to you?
Mom — Yes. One is my engagement ring, and one is my wedding ring.
R — What’s an a engagement ring?
Mom — A man gives an engagement ring to a woman when he asks her to marry him.
R — How do people get married? They love each other?
Mom — Yes. They have a party and people come to it.
R — And then you give each other your cells?
At the dinner table.
R — What is this?
Mom — Hamburger Helper.
R, disgustedly — What? It doesn’t look good.
Mom — Well, please try it.
R — Why??!
Mom — That’s the rule. (Then, trying to lighten the mood) You know the commercials with the mitten? That’s Hamburger Helper.
R, visibly upset — I don’t even know this guy with the mitten!!
Watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos”, we see the one with the kid who sings the Mickey Mouse Club song like it’s the National Anthem.
B — What is he spelling?
Mom — Can you figure it out? M-O-U-S-E
B — Hmmm…. Jesus?
the kitchen notebook 