At dinner:
B – I don’t want to get married.
R – I think I’d like to get married.
B – If you get married, R, we can still live together. You and me and your wife.
R – Okay, but she would be just my wife, right?
Mom – How do you know R’s wife wouldn’t mind living with you, B?
B – I can live with R and help him around the house. I can be your butler, R!
R shows up in our bedroom in the morning.
R – Mom, I don’t have any clean underwear.
Mom – We need to buy you some more. Can you get in the car and go to Walmart for some underwear?
R – Umm… I think I’m not old enough to drive a car. I think you need to be like 15 or 16. I don’t even know if I could get a license.
Dad – Well, can you ride your bike to Walmart, then?
R – Not without underwear!
At the dinner table. A mosquito has landed in Dad’s water.
B — Eew! A bug in your drink!
Dad — No big deal.
B — You’re gonna drink it anyway?!
R — It’s a horror show! A nightmare!
The boys are coming home from school with a neighbor who graciously picks them up on Mondays, when it’s all I can do to leave work just in time to get home to meet them.
B — Look at my mom’s clothes! Do you like them? She has to look beautiful because she is a teacher.
R — You do look beautiful, Mom.
B — You look really beautiful! You look like a dream girl!
B — Dad, why do you have wrinkles on your face?
Dad — Because as my body gets older, my face becomes less smooth and shows lines.
B — Oh… you mean because you’re decaying?
R — Mom, what was your favorite thing to play when you were little?
Mom — Hmmm… I’m not sure.
R — Well, did you like to play with remote control cars and trains, like me and B?
Mom — I didn’t really play with a lot of remote control toys.
R — Why not? Electricity hadn’t been invented yet?
the kitchen notebook 